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Знающим инглиш..боян правда, но смешно
Письмо менеджеру отеля YMCA от гостя из Италии..
Never Gonna Stay In Your Hotella No More
The Manager
Y.M.C.A. Hotel
LONDON
Roma 28 sept. 1981
Dear signore Direttore, Noew I am tella you story wot I was a-treated at jour hotella.
I am a-comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as a-younga christian man at your hotella.
When I comma in my room I see there is no shit in my bed - how can I sleep with no shit in my
bed? So I calla down receptione and tella: "I wanta shit" They tella me: "Go to toilet" I say:"No, no I
wanta shit in my bed". They say: "You'd better not shit in your bed, you sonna-wa-bitch". What is
sonna-wa-bitch?
I go down for breakfast into restorante. I order bacon and egga and two pissis of toast. I getta only
one piss of toast. I tella waitress, and point at toast: "I wanta piss". She tella me: "Go to toilet". I say:
"No, no I wanta piss on my plate". She then say to me: "You bloody hella not piss on the plate, you
sonna-wa-bitch".
This is the second person who do not even know me calla me "sonna.wa.bitch", and why is your
staff replying "Go to toilet", is that a modern tella? I do no undestand, please tella me!
Later I go for dinner in your restorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock. I tella waitress: "I
wanta fock". And she tella me: "Sure, everyone wanta fock". I tella her: "No, no you don't
understanda me, I wanta fock on the table". She tella me: "Soyou sonna-wa-bitch wanta fock on the
table? Get your ass out of here!" How comma this christian hotella tella the guest in such bad
manner?
So I go to receptione and ask for bill. I no wanta stay in this hotel no more. When I have paid the
a-billa the portier say to me: "Thank you, and piss on You". I say: "Piss on you too, you
sonna-wa-bitch. I now go back to Italy". Directore, I never gonna stay in your hotella no more, you
sonna-wa-bitch.
An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow
An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, 'You're in charge of sweeping.'
To the Scotsman he says, 'You're in charge of shoveling.'
And to the Chinese guy, 'You're in charge of supplies.'
He then says, 'Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile.'
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched.
He asks the Italian, 'Why didn't you sweep any of it?'
The Italian replies, 'I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese a fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.'
Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, 'And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.'
The Scotsman replies, 'Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnayfin' him either.'
The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy ...Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells...
'SUPPLIES!!'
To get the full effect, this should be read aloud. You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation. The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review: (supposedly!)
Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??"
G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."
RS: "Ow July den?"
G: "What??"
RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"
G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"
G: "Crisp will be fine."
RS : "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"
G: "What?"
RS:"An toes. July Sahn toes?"
G: "I don't think so."
RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."
RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RS: "We bodder?"
G: "No...just put the bodder on the side."
RS: "Wad?"
G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
RS: "Copy?"
G: "Excuse me?"
RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"
G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy....rye??"
Знающим инглиш..боян правда, но смешно
Письмо менеджеру отеля YMCA от гостя из Италии..
Never Gonna Stay In Your Hotella No More
The Manager
Y.M.C.A. Hotel
LONDON
Roma 28 sept. 1981
Dear signore Direttore, Noew I am tella you story wot I was a-treated at jour hotella.
I am a-comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as a-younga christian man at your hotella.
When I comma in my room I see there is no shit in my bed - how can I sleep with no shit in my
bed? So I calla down receptione and tella: "I wanta shit" They tella me: "Go to toilet" I say:"No, no I
wanta shit in my bed". They say: "You'd better not shit in your bed, you sonna-wa-bitch". What is
sonna-wa-bitch?
I go down for breakfast into restorante. I order bacon and egga and two pissis of toast. I getta only
one piss of toast. I tella waitress, and point at toast: "I wanta piss". She tella me: "Go to toilet". I say:
"No, no I wanta piss on my plate". She then say to me: "You bloody hella not piss on the plate, you
sonna-wa-bitch".
This is the second person who do not even know me calla me "sonna.wa.bitch", and why is your
staff replying "Go to toilet", is that a modern tella? I do no undestand, please tella me!
Later I go for dinner in your restorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock. I tella waitress: "I
wanta fock". And she tella me: "Sure, everyone wanta fock". I tella her: "No, no you don't
understanda me, I wanta fock on the table". She tella me: "Soyou sonna-wa-bitch wanta fock on the
table? Get your ass out of here!" How comma this christian hotella tella the guest in such bad
manner?
So I go to receptione and ask for bill. I no wanta stay in this hotel no more. When I have paid the
a-billa the portier say to me: "Thank you, and piss on You". I say: "Piss on you too, you
sonna-wa-bitch. I now go back to Italy". Directore, I never gonna stay in your hotella no more, you
sonna-wa-bitch.
Сидят 3 бабки разговаривают о жизни..
1-ая: Мой внучёк наверное агрономом будет-вся квартира в конопле..
2-ая: А мой врачом-весь дом в шприцах и таблетках..
3-я: А мой я думаю будет водителем..
Почему?
да.. возьмёт тряпку, в бензине намочит, на рожу себе положит и говорит: Ну бабка- я поехал..
Жена на банкете говорит мужу:
- Вот так всегда, после пятой рюмки коньяка ты превращаешься в отвратительное животное!
- Но я не пил!!!
- Зато я выпила!
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